Honest Anime Trailers: FMA
by Insertnameheretwentytimes
Summary: Rated H for honest Brutal Honesty Mature language Strong Sarcasm


**From the author that brought you Hero Tales,**

**Comes this series that won many awards and loved by everyone **

**But fangirls ruin it by thinking this entire thing is a crappy shojo romance when it's**

**Bloody fights**

**Gruesome transformations**

**Mutilation of body parts**

**Yeah, the stuff that makes you feel like a man or make you believe you're still one after you sit through it**

**This show leaves you at the edge of your seat**

**And made up for the first season that went off the original storyline for some reason**

**FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST BROTHERHOOD**

**This is making my inner five-year old squeal at its cool name!**

**In an Industrial Revolution Europe, where everyone can become a steampunk cyborg or a whole body of armor or Beast Boy**

**Meet Edward**

**(Showing a clip of Edward Cullen)**

**No, not that Edward**

**Edward Elric, a prodigy in magic with a short temper when it comes to him being called "short"**

**His right arm and left leg are what he stole from Robocop's body**

**And Dante's red jacket**

**Meet his younger brother, Alphose Elric**

**He's a 14 year-old kid that is a whopping seven feet hunk of armor**

**Literally**

**There's nothing under the helmet**

**There goes your shining knight in armor**

**The two committed the greatest taboo in alchemy and that is making a human cake**

**Seriously, the ingredients they list in the show make it more like they were making a special cake or something**

**They were trying to bring their dead mom back but it all went to hell after that**

**Edward lost his arm and leg, and Alphonse lost his entire body**

**So, it literally _cost an arm and a leg_ to bring his mom back**

**Actually, three arms and three legs**

**Sorry, I just had to do that**

**Their childhood friend, Winry, is Ed's mechanic **

**Which he bangs at the end, spoiler alert**

**She is a gearhead that gets an orgasm every time she sees something made of metal**

**And has a very abusive relationship with her two friends**

**Because true friends ****leave ****their friends with life-threatening injuries**

**Join these two brothers in a journey to find the Philosopher's Stone**

**A piece of red Jell-O **

**With the screaming heads of the people used to make it**

**Ugh, and I thought it was gross that Jell-O was made out of animal bones**

**And everyone wants a piece of that red Jell-O**

**Because it has the powers to do basically anything without the rules of alchemy interfer****ing**

**Ed and Al want it get their bodies back to normal**

**But the Homun-la-blah-us**

**Humonculos?**

**Honumlios?**

**These guys are the incarnations of the Seven Deadly Sins and they are trying to use Ed as a sacrifice**

**With tattoos with a snake-dragon-thing sucking its own dick**

**Wrath, a guy that looks like ****Big Boss**

**Sloth, a guy that has hit the gym **

**That sort of defeats his own sin**

**Greed, an anti-hero douchebag that can turn his body into hard stuff**

**I bet he can turn something else into hard stuff, if you know what I mean**

**Gluttony, a fatass that will not stop eating s*****

**Pride, the oldest one and it takes the form of a little kid**

**Pedobear is not happy**

**Lust, a sexy fox that can rip out your dick in a second**

**And Envy, the one fangirls come to see**

**Oh, it's sort of kind of gay in a way **

**Wait, can it be gay? It's an it, so it can go either way**

**The Humus-coli are these creepy child molesters that for some reason want Edward**

**(Showing Envy)**

**Just so you know, this person is 175 years-old**

**Ugh... he's old enough to be Edward Cullen's granddad**

**But it's _t_**_**otally**_** not creepy because fangirls thinks it's love**

**(Showing Lust)**

**Everyone is a child molester except her, I think**

**I don't mind her molesting me though**

**He, he, he, booobs...**

**Wait, how old is she? 250 years?! ****Damn it!**

**They come across a colorful group of characters you won't forget**

**Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist**

**The one who burns your s*** up**

**Or makes you burnt s*****

**And wants to make female officers wear miniskirts**

**I'm voting for him for whatever he's running for**

**Really, I want this guy for president**

**Riza Hawkeye, a woman sharpshooter that is basically Roy's mom**

**And bodyguard**

**But the relationship is _totally_ professional **

**Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strong Arm Alchemist**

**That's a little obvious because of his name and...**

**(Clip of Armstrong during those scenes when he rips out of his shirt.)**

**THIS.**

**This man pops out of his shirt more than Taylor Lautner**

**Seriously, he rips his shirt off every five minutes**

**That's a record**

**He also had a hipster moustache before it was popular**

**Maes Hughes, the one that made the series kick off**

**When he died, s*** just got real **

**But all you could think about is him annoying you with pictures of his kid**

**(Showing Havoc, Breda, Furey, and Falman)**

**And these guys are just something that'll give you a giggle or two**

**Ling Yao, a racist-looking stereotype of Asian people**

**That will not stop eating**

**And mooches off Edward despite being a prince**

**And he knows kung-fu!**

**But he gets possessed by the Greed douchbag**

**May Chang, another Asian stereotype that knows kung fu**

**And alchemy**

**And has a pet panda that'll bite your hand off**

**Did I mention she's only 12?**

**She can fight off Pedobear if she wanted to**

**Solf J. Kimblee, a guy that ****kind of looks like an Asian Micheal Jackson**

**That has a serious problem with blowing up stuff**

**While rocking a white suit with fedora**

**Van Hohemheim**

**Hey, I got it right!**

**He is Ed and Al's father that left them when they were still young**

**He's 450 years old**

**Yikes, how old was his wife?**

**But it's _totally _not creepy since he looks 40**

**Okay, it still kind of is**

**When he finally comes back into Ed's life, Ed gives him a punch to the face**

**Don't you feel the father-son relationship healing right before you?**

**Watch as...**

**Edward breaking down every ten minutes just because someone called him short**

**Bright lights with crackling sounds make you have seizures**

**Assholes kill other assholes**

**So saddle up for...**

**Fights that involve Edward or Alphonse breaking apart**

**Talking during the fighting**

**Blood spewing out**

**Sudden mercy for that guy who just was trying to kill Ed**

**Boring alchemy stuff you just pretend to know in order to advance the plot**

**"Equivalent exchange" being said every single episode**

**I mean, are they TRYING to jam that phrase into our heads? They say it a lot of f***ing times!**

**Another obstacle stands in Ed's way, and that is a man named Scar **

**Because of his**** scar that has an angsty story behind it**

**Who has a _mind-blowing_ tattoo on his right arm**

**See what I just did there?**

**He is pissed at every State Alchemist for killing his people**

**So he blows their brains out**

**Luckily for Ed, the Humus-coli guys stalled the guy and he is somewhere else**

**But that is not enough **

**The main villain will rise and that is...**

**(Showing Father)**

**This guy that thinks he's god**

**Just like Aizen**

**He's immortal**

**Just like Aizen**

**He considers his creations his children**

**Just like Aizen**

**He has a thing for the main character**

**Just like Aizen**

**Moving on...**

**Edward will have to face him and put a stop to his plan**

**This series is pretty old, so pretty much everyone knows what happened anyway**

**Starring...**

**Grumpy Cat (Edward)**

**A Gundam (Alphonse)**

**Wendy's (Winry)**

**Miles Edgeworth (Roy)**

**Samus from Meteroid (Riza)**

**Hulk Hogan (Armstrong)**

**Isshin Kurosaki (Hughes)**

**China from Hetalia (Ling Yao)**

**Kagura from Gintama (May)**

**Jazz Hands (Kimblee)**

**Uncle Oscar (Hohemheim)**

**Yasutora Sado if his weapon was a bit more deadly (Scar)**

**BOOBS (Lust)**

**A palm tree (Envy)**

**Bowflex commercial (Sloth)**

**Hitler (Wrath)**

**Paula Deen (Gluttony)**

**Skinny Grimmjow (Greed)**

**It's a trap! (Pride)**

**Grumpy Old Dad (Father)**

**And...**

**Super Vaginas (Father's true form)**

**FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST BROTHERHOOD**


End file.
